fie-guratively speaking

there’s only so much fresh paint a girl can take. the walls look lovely and all that but urgh, hello noxious fumes.

it took me approximately three hours, i reckon, to get through eleven maths review questions. help, and again i say help.

perforated and punctured.  where’s a triple-layer heart guard when you need one.

***

gnawed-at-corners of something you could’ve guessed.

break and bend, wrestle and turn.

and all for what.

pretend you don’t hear; tuck away and maybe it’ll fade someday.

tell me lies, tell me nothing at all.

omission is such terrible betrayal.

spotted, while running past fed square:

balance is a serious problem.

i hear you, mate.

***

all the people in my numeracies class don’t do long division. 

i find that highly amusing.

and somewhat gratifying, being the only one who knows how. chalk one up for malaysian schools who ground their kids in page long division exercises. huzaah.

so there’s this massive math test next tuesday.  there’s half the class who’ve got it down pat and then there’s the other half (yours truly included) who are kinda wetting their pants over the whole idea of answering bewildering questions we’ve only just managed to scratch the surface of this term.

rarr.

the things we do to teach your kids. damn straight we better be getting higher pay.

lifetimes of swerving in, out, under and through.

we become who we need to be.

to who we are.

where we are.

pinpoint a belief so real, you begin to start.

***

to you,

with love.

***

so i think maybe i don’t trust after all.

***

she’s not my baby.

i promise.

***

speaking to you made me realise how i sometimes just need to get off my butt and onto my feet.

i’d like that.

***

supercalifragelistickeckspiallydocious.

because i can.

***

i’m stuck in an office (albeit a nice one), with too much ganache chocolate by my side and no report-writing juices flowing.

this could be a long day.

***

final week of semester.

i’m not holding my breath.

***

the cold numbs.

oh how cliche.

but it does.

i know. my ears hurt.

***

gimme a pair of skis and and a three day pass to the mountains.

i’m demanding like that.

***

my favourite moment of the day?

seeing ro go into a tither, then looking absolutely awestruck carrying two-week-old isabelle.

seeing you brought back so much of what i’d forgotten.

you were woven into my Then; always shrouded in familiar mystery. you were a pseudo fascination - someone i needed to know, needed to pick apart and then chase out of my dreams.

it doesn’t matter anymore.

and it shouldn’t have, then.

i could do with giving people the benefit of the doubt to surprise.

even if it means feeling like i could be on a precipice, waiting.

i think it has been a relatively good couple of days.

because nothing would have sufficed.

because it should have.

because it was maybe perhaps.

because i hear too much.

because it feels too far.

because much more was said than was needed.

because we all run awry sometimes.

because it seemed like an appropriate response.

because pushing forward makes more sense.

because thinking negates answers.

because solutions can be one too many.

because i’m here.

because every dog has its day.

because we never can escape anywhere.

because night always turn to day.

because you are who i think you are.

because you aren’t who i think you are.

because there will always be never ending stories to tell, chapters we will relinquish, some with more ease than others, epilogues we will write till we feel stretched and scratched.

i was beginning to think we’d never get down to our phone call.

tonite flooded back memories and it was as if i never left. i’m thrilled you’re venturing to newer and (hopefully) better terrain. i’ve got a good feeling about it *jumpjumpjump*

oh, and i know you’re my friend, and i’ll love you no matter what, but, dude. please. don’t be throwing hamsters into whirring fans, yeh?

***

these days, i keep my stories to myself. which is… different, i suppose?

hemmed up, hemmed in.

***

i rescued a footy ball with the help of a pink unicorn on a stick. my kids raised the roof with cheers and squeals and i felt unnaturally superhero-ish.

trust preps to make you feel good about yourself.

***

some days, i really just need.

but i don’t ask because.

so i keep telling myself that every little thng is gonna be alright.

every little thing is gonna be alright.

to the only one who thinks sleep is for losers, says the funniest and most random things, is socially inept, thanks to facebook, speaks a mile a minute, is addicted to online shopping, is going to be a defence attorney for a couple of hours and, as of recent days, has taken a liking to all things gucci:

imissyouuuuuu, you tall, scrawny lauren-thing.

sweetest thing i heard tonite? derrick thebigguy telling me he’d backpack with me round europe even if he had a broken leg, just so i don’t have to go alone.

most bizarre topic of the night? chatting with shirls and rohan the punj about $50 market trolleys with ABS systems and pumped in turbo. what the…