october’s creeping in, and i’m getting minor palpitations.
i feel incongruous.
anticipation slash apathy.
how Time saturates the senses. i suppose you can never really be ready for the stops, pauses and plays, no matter how hard you try.
someone once told me we’d just have to pack up our gloomies and move along. i told him it sounded sad.
sad, but true.
melancholic reminiscing came early this year.
ho ho hum.
***
thank you for letting me into your world tonite.
a toast, indeed.
tell me how to escape all by yourself.
but thoughts they change and times they rearrange.
we all feel our way thru scrabble-board corridors some time or another.
synchronize siberia; don’t worry i’ll get there.
i think i have a penchant for all things green tea.
i thought of you and how, despite the miles and years, you’re still the best friend today as you were sixteen years ago.
***
i thought of you and realised i’m home because i missed watching you grow up.
***
i thought of you and how you know me more than i think i know myself.
***
i thought of you and wondered how things would have turned out had i not been afraid.
***
i thought of you and how you make me ashamed of the things i say sometimes.
***
i thought of you and realised beneath the perpetual happy exterior, you’re probably as melancholic as i am.
***
i thought of you and wanted more than anything else to be like you.
***
i thought of you and wondered if we’d still have picture road trips and little wide-eyed travel buddies ten years down the road.
***
i thought of you and how i’d never have taken a chance with anybody else.
***
i thought of you and hoped Change wouldn’t mess things up.
***
i thought of you, then decided not to.
frames and standstills,
call for perpetual memorandums.
steer right turns, navigate left bends,
and i think in fleeting veneers.
***
| but it’s the choices that make us who we are | you’re so brilliant, don’t soon forget |
-anberlin-
at The Aparment with leroy.
i think i was a little too engrossed with his parfait.
today, at school, i found out that the guy standing ten feet away from me wasn’t a parent, nor was he a member of staff giving a pep talk to the bunch of kids surrounding him.
no, my friends. he was mel gibson.
and i walked past him without so much as a second glance.
i’m such an idiot.
*bangs head on wall*
i’m either very blind or mel just doesn’t quite cut it in real life, like he does on screen.
***
i think how nice this is, and then realise how moments can’t really be relived or redeemed.
fill an empty spot, wait for the inevitable glow. but as sure as tomorrow, watch for dust prints that form concrete warnings.
ruminate an abstraction. then wonder why contemplations can never be on our side.
say hello to postgraduate studies.
it’s back to uni, baby.
all hail academia!
***
KLASS happenings of the week:
1) daniel coming up to me and saying he really understood a math method i taught him. it was like a lightbulb had gone off in his head. he was elated. i was elated.
2) trying out an epi pen, used to treat anaphylactic shocks.
3) dealing with a dispicably rude year fiver who gave me mind-numbing death glares. how an eleven year old manages to store up so much evil energy is beyond me. geez…
4) being promoted to “boss” status by the 5J boys. i should be so honoured.
sometimes i wonder if i’d memorised you so many times, i’d forgotten what you meant anymore. or that i wanted to believe you so much, that i pushed the possibility of your non-existence into dark corners.
always, far recessess that belie what might.
eventualities.
we are who we are, and maybe that’s enough. or that should be enough.
i have trouble grappling the Present tense. polaroids are my favourite imagery. someone said i sounded sad tonight. i wanted to laugh, but decided to protest instead.
we all live half-truths, even if we hate to admit it.
***
on-the-way-home conversations about friendly looking bananas and fat mommas do indeed chase away brooding pms feelings.
thank you for making me laugh and for daring to suggest waffles at 10.30pm. i’d have met you on the roof of a&w, but my pink boxers were in the wash.
:)
you’re a rocking cheerer-upper, mate.
i am being bombarded by facebook fanatics.
it’s an epidemic.
***
incompetent idd calling cards get me all querulous and i am inclined to growl.
a lot.
***
term one has only just begun and already, the kids are going ballistic.
break time and lunch today was a mad affair with a lot of running, no, wait, a lot of zooming and careening around corners like little projectile missiles. must’ve been all that pent-up summer energy. i stood there, absorbing it all, stopping every once in a while to hug familiar children, swap summer stories with them, share sour sweets and reprimand the usual suspects for eating spaghetti with their fingers.
oh, and there have been new additions to the phys ed faculty. buffed, rugby player look-a-likes.
interesting.
